2008

New Year Resolution....

On my city...

It is indeed a wonderful wholesome sentiment that triggers down my spines that somehow originates from the rubbles that populates the streets of Kolkata....Its winter in the city and perhaps you know the inherent addiction of we Kolkatans to potray the change of season with......well a greater enthusiasm than usual.......so watery eyed daddys with a stuffed red jacket and thick 'monkey' caps and woolen gloves did not appear a least bit of exaggeration in these seasoned eyes of mine.....foroutre it may seem.....but ludicrity has its own fascination.......and I am infact a part of it..........I guess six months of outsideKolkata has showed me a lot of life.........and it had deprived me of a lot more......there has been lot of activities in an aroundmy neighbourhood.......couple of more apartments have started to bear inmates overlooking the meagre strip of grass that used to be the playground that served, other than as the playground......as the parking space for a lot of yellow cabs.......datingshelters of romatic souls......and doping ground for a number of addicts........well other than that the young people have grown old....and the old ones have grown older.....and the older ones are dead as their relatives gather in a jovial reunion upon the demiseof their beloved ol' man....with their pimply sons playing cricket on the rooftop and petite daughters seeking some privacy tochat over the cell phone......its time indeed to push forward and a part of this change is substantially fascinating.......but thebasic foundation of this city of humrum never bothers to proceed into a greater dimension.........the roll shops may upgradeinto better cushioned seats from their greasy thicket chairs......but they still sell the same absolutely unhealthy egg-chicken rollsthat haunts the multitude of humanity like a seedy pub beckons an Irish old man.....the world may step into a topsy-turvy ofthird millenium-digitized brilliance but the high school passouts will continue being brave ( or atleast make a show of it....mostlyromatically ) in the shadowy havens of Nandan or more recently established Elliot Park and the unfortunate ones still gape at their exhibits with the oft-quoted obscenities and sometimes....well with pure loathing at their self-infirmities.......well....likewisethe somber looking private buses still seek a paternal relationship with the streets of the city and the convenience of its passengers....Park Street is still the same strech of asphalt haunting the apparent riches of the city with its luring expensive nothingness wherepeople go for no apparent reasons..................well the thing I hate most about holidays is that they have to end.....and it never fails to amaze me how fast do they end.....and I hate the farewells........but then I guess it is in those farewells that we have the promise to come back once again.....so when the plane taxied off the runway and plunged into the vast sky, all I could do is to stare out of the window and try intaking as much of the city as I could as it slowly mingled into the same tiny unobtrusivestructures that had....a week ago grown bigger and embraced me like it always had over the years....

Home coming was always refreshing.......!!!

Awww.......I am so bloody tired.......head spinning......gastronomical tsunami......and an anatomicalwreck.......its supposed to be winter and its not cold.......I guess its the Greenhouse.....the daft prick........even the cigarretes taste awful.......I am not really in the mood to rant about things under the sun.....yeah I am just...............tired.........

Unity in Diversity

Out of the zillions of trip one has to make in this rather long a journey of life......this one is really special..............

A very good morning to everyone,which these days essentially comes down to no one.......well chitchatting at 8.30 in the morning is not exactly my idea of a chilly Saturday morning but what the hell, due to my recent habituation(I am not really sure the word even exists)with lot of cofee and not much sleep throughout the confused biological clock of mine I somehow woke up at 8 and never really got any more sleep even if I had the full stomach for it........if at all one needs a stomach for sleep.........but hey...never trust an insomniac's knowledge ofbiology.........So....last night was yet again a night of flashing neon lights in a confined tin can of a space with loud techno music that people fashionably call the 'pub'.......and I finally realized what went through one of my friend's mind when he had observed "disco lights are the irrefutable proof that human beings as a species are not meant for dance".........infact there is hardly anything in my life that is more conceptually precise than the reflection about this apparently affable manipulation of human anatomy that people generally call dance........anyways its not that I am too much fascinated by the culture of going to a pub to essentially indulge into the same activities that I could have done at my home.......butI have good cloths and I enjoy wearing them.....god that is probably the simplest explanation one can come up for squandering thousands of ruppees with pals whose face you cannot even see in the ambience....whose voices you cannot even hear in the blaring cacophony of harmonics......and sometimes like last night you have to drag a drunken sod from Middle East and somehow shove his soggy buttocks over the 'crack' of the two joined beds........but something else happened last night as well......it was the first time I had gone to one of the hotels of the Taj group......ummm.......not all of us were eventually turned into Simpson......so we just decided to drop into the Taj.....well.....at 1 in the morning not many mortals venture in the marble alleys of the Taj......but we did....and a cold coffee worth 350 was absolutely the only thing that we had in mind......'coz never really had any other option......and we whacked a matchbox and a ketchup bottle with the name of Taj stamped all over them....isnt it funny to whack off things left conveniently unattended just for blokes like us to propritorize them?....its just that the girls take the ketchup bottle and the gyz takethe matchbox......well thats about it......'coz when you have a measly snack of 900 bucks all you can think aboutis an absolutely freezing auto ride back home and a tired and lame attempt for a decent space to crash down......and then sleep for...err......two hours and wake up at 8 in the morning just to have a pointless chitchat about things you had done last night........


p.s. More updates: The same sod from MIddle East apprehends that he has lost his glasses........

Ahh....this is my first night before a night shift at the office.....well......dont think I am yet again into some corporate litany praising how spectacular the annual turnover of my company is.....no it is not some company manufacturing launch pads for the next telecommunication satellite....nor will it patent the cure for cancer.....so lets forget about it......its a weird experience trying to stay awake the whole night so that I can sleep throughout the day in order to remain awake the next night.....well I guess its a bit complicated........sometimes I think humans are the most uselessly vulnerable creature in this planet.......essentially a slave of habits that somehow manage to tie them in a predictable knot of stupidity that is more popularly known as the 'system'........I mean it would be really nice if man were just machines so that they can be turned on and off any time.......no I am not talking about being machines of the Hollywood extravaganza of the Terminator........just simple digital circuitry of 0's and 1's.......but what the hell.......we are destined to remain the same old confusion of genetical mismatch.........so I am wondering what exactly should be my agenda throughout the night........I bought a paperback of Roald Dahl....but then I realized the vision of an avid insomniac reader is not so comfortable in a mere plastic chair.......you need atleast an arm chair with a dalmation cuddled at your feet with the melancholy of a lady at a church.......so I turned the T.V on........but then the greatest achievement of science is providing absolutely everything except what we want at that particular moment.........Flinstones at 2 in the morning is not what I call the idea of great night out....neither some wonderfully leering song of scantily clad middle aged females in a nightclub that somehow cradles a pink Cadillac that too in a language I dont know is not so entertaining........so I am not sure what exactly should I do among five sleeping men...........ohh....there is no more packets of potato chips left.........the fags are running out.....gotta save few for the next day........the flashy dinner the Mc Donalds did not quite suffice the 23 year old system of mine..........and there is nothing to do..........I guess there is so much silence a man can bear...........and a glaring laptop screen in a dark room does not certainly help.......

OMG!!!!!

Oh my God......its definitlely the end of the world........or the begining of the end.......I mean here I am....still searching the somehow fading odour of the soggy loam of the college.....well......sometimes even of the high school.....often moaning silently inside that how people kinda conveniently forget to call each other over the years.....that I came across this astounding news.....one of my friend is getting married.............!!!!!!
If it is just for the pimply boyish dream of getting laid........its definitly not a good idea.....its not that I am experienced.......but there are things you dont really need an idea....or even a weebit of experience.......I guess people in general are afraid of death without an experience........I think everybody has seen how the hairline always seem to recede over the matrimonial years with the imposing surity of a downfall.....and still every mortal has to bend to it........ohhh.....if it is for the crazy thing called love.....I dont know.........I came across a quote by no one particular....................... "the problem with love is.....most often it turns into your 'weakness' when it should have been your 'strength'......"If that is the case ......then Cupid must have signed the C.T.B.T long time ago.......or any of those stupid "treaties" which all the politically confused nations so happily forfeit.......anyways.....the point is.....all these years I have always been the ideal parasite....that is .....always feeding upon the treats of other people's proposal.......sometimes even toasted upon their 'breakups'.......well to be prfectly honest and without inflicting a least bit of scar upon my so called 'well-being' and 'conscience'.......I dont mind having good free food if somebody is willing to celebrate his upcoming decadance.........after all what are great friends for.........atleast I tag along in their misery....being the 'unloved' one can be a big benefit.........and I certainly hope that the guy in question never really comes across this snippet of my rhetoric.......but there is still a catch....call it my whim or twist of a deranged lump of grey matter.......I never can get past the memoirs of the horrendous desparado of many such 'guy party' spent with him.....ofcourse absolutelyfrom a non-homosexual point of view........you know struggling with a half brain beneath the acrid smoke only to get more fags......cracking jokes from the leerest minds of the underworld.....and a lot of special performances without really caringwhat the principal has to say to them.......and now somehow I have to be a bit more sober in communication with him........and I really have to care about what someone else might think when I express a rather out of the box reflection........and more materialistically,the concept of giving a gift to a friend had never enterd my wildest imagination........or maybe its just my imagination........but I certainly fear the loss of one such 'proposal' or 'breakup' party......then I guess this is life.....and the reality of growing up suddenly grips all of us with this ludicrity........and I express from the deepest corner of my heart,my friend, the best wishes for a happy life.......

I guess the best company to a man is man himself....

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME..........!!!"

MY EXPERIENCE AS A BENGALI FOODIE.....part-1!!!

Thursay,Oct 25th,2007,14:10hrs

A tremendously plush multinational company................
I go down to the cafeteria to have my lunch...............
As a perpetual non-vegetarian,I seek for chicken curry.........

Moment of frustration:
The chicken curry is finished.
Alternate measures:
I take egg curry(paati dimer jhal!!!)
Moment of desperation:
I had to pay!!!

Moment of reckoning:

The egg curry was sour!!!!!!!!


life still goes on.........

This is the Maha-Ashtami....probably the best day of the Durga Puja......these are the moments when zillions like me feel proud to be what we actually are......lazy....undue unwanted critics of things that remotely relates to our most obscure dreams.......crazily celebrating everything under the sun with a shallow pocket and overblown pompous zeal that so foolishly bear the rather long forgotten name of "bangali babu".... and these are the moments when few like me heave under the shattering sense of nostalgia as he stands by the rather artificial but endearing show of belonging in a distant land where the pujari dances to the tune of the dhaak in a worn out jeans......where people prefer communicating in the language bestowed by our 200 years rulers and in turn quite happily adopted by us......yes fool as I am.....I still havent surpassed the overpowering urge of capturing anything that soothes the eye.....I still go out pandal hopping with my acquaintances....minus the pandals.....and a lot of people......and the city that has spoilt me into this dreadful decadence.....but then I guess I felt that somehow somewhere deep inside.....really deep.......perhaps you have seen the bright yellow sparks that appears before your eyes when you close them.......yeah close.....there comes the most beautiful picture that you have ever seen in your life......

SHUBHO MAHA-ASHTAMI TO ALL.....

Something like life....

Oh schmuck......I have had the chance to come across several
'definition' of life and the process of living......starting
from my old school bio text to the philosophical litany
of one of my acquaintances(relax ****** nobody is goin to find it bout you.....atleast I
certainly hope so)...but this evening while I was browsing through websites not contributing
to my knowledge by publishing information like....umm.....airfares to Mozambique.....
fatality rates of female Guppies......increasing temperature of the Antarctics......and
intergalactic explosion of extraplanetary gases.....you know the sorts that befriends you
when you think "okay what to do now?"......I suddenly came across this widget which literally
slapped me into senses and said..."that's you and your life!!!"......I am still not sure
why this particular programming mishap caught my attention......but still I decided to share....

just move the mouse over it...

p.s. Any interpretation is gladly entertained but finally never accepted....

Okay.....this is special.....I mean if only you have seen the seedy self of a politically indifferent gooey idler in the fast paced city of Hyderabad......you would certainly appreciate the attempt to philosophy of the individual with atleast the confirmation of being 'special'.......a lot of things happened this weekend......and I would not apologize for être silencieux about the rather foolishly engaging train of incidents and bewildering precision of the 'worst case situations' that seem to bear down upon us with the speed of light........however all said and done.....when you suddenly have the rather un-heard of fancy of lying down upon the soft bed of grass which is still surprisingly green and stare at the hazy expanse of the sky of the dying lights of an obscure Sunday evening with the full wrath of a Monday looming over like a demon.......you would indeed feel a stupid sense of delight which I am sure is a hopelessly misleading prodigy of things to come the next days....................................but still I was never so happy at the end of a Sunday

On Graduation!!!!!!

So.....four years of loitering around the same not so old corridors of what we used to call the academic block and the dingy by lanes of the labyrinthine boy's hostel,this is the day when we finally became a graduate......well perhaps some of you are suffering from an acute bowel malfunctionand actually dreaming of a steamingly delicious Italian pizza.....if you do then you must appreciate thefeeling of cuddling into a dank rug in the lonely city of Hyderabad and thinking of the things going onin what is so foolishly called the Convocation.No I am not complaining......certainly not considering the rather dangerous convenience to the hilly locale of our college..........but then a rather generous amount of free time that is enjoyed by a new joiner in a multinational company and his gruelling sense of boredom can indeed induce a lot of fancies......so considering my idle lumberings across the plush corridors and hours after hours of fussball....I thought might as well take an hour's break.............however, the fact of the matter is..the decadance of lethargy that befriends me these days is almost adorable......getup in the morning.....have a cold shower.....no I dont even have breakfast at home...I keep that 'work' to be done at the office.....and I am not saying that I am surrounded by stupidity...the point is, sometimes many of us are scared or irritated at nothing in particular...and it happens to me as well.......infact it happens more often than not.......so I cannot say that I am not in a very merry temper......infact Shakespeare's Antonio was never more relevant to me before......but thats all literature....lets not talk about that.....but then again.....it never fails to amaze me that how I divert myself into a horrendously different field........but isnt that life in its crudest form?? I mean how many of you have actually lived to see and enjoy the one proud moment.....whatever it is.....that youhave been waiting for all these years.......there always have been too many options for you to decide upon.....but when it comes to that single moment of glory when you can actually say out aloud "we are the champions",surprisingly there always have been a situation that is impossible to avoid......I remember how we used to curse the rather caustic administration of our college whenever we had three assignments to submit in two days,with piled-up unfinished lab note books reminiding of pre-historic bureaucratic red tapism....but then we always wanted that single last bash of alchohol before we actually stepped into the world of free coffee in a white cup........and that never happened......so today is the Convocation....the day when the gullible world recognizes us as graduates,I am squatting with a pack of potato chips and cigerettes in a messed up room somewhere in the bowels of a confusing city.......but then being a graduate in a wonderful feeling....and the day is special indeed......

Okay.....people talk about art in its native form.......I never realised that untill yesterday!!!!!

Engineering holocaust......

Well....I dont know what is happening to this world.........and science is certainly not helping it....

I mean you think you are earning good enough to grab what you need and what you want.......but then thanks to some demented brains in some seedy clutterd laboratory overseas.......all you get is loads of self slander and desperate sighs as you stare at what lies beyond........and all you could do is to take a snap and capture atleast a part of the edifice that you know you can never afford...............................!!!!!

Thirty friggin' three lakhs............thats hardly fair!!!!!

Okay...this is serious shit.......well what more do you expect........its been serious encroachment upon the dwellings of the meek creatures that bears the name of the 'ship of the desert' in our mid-school G.K texts........actually thinking once again it is indeed a suitable designation for them....desert indeed...........as a desert need not necessarily have sand.....it may infact be in the form of long streches of asphalt with gleaming automobiles and black 'fair' ladies and lonely frustrated chaps.........and among such a horrendously absurd morning where all I had in mind is how to spend the day amidst the utter boredom of corporate labyrinth,I saw three camels lumbering with idle briskness upon the highways.......if only the publishers were aware of the fact, the unfortunate kids have to look out for a newer edition of their books......anyways.....I am not saying I am surrounded by stupidity..........actually even I am a part of this dun coloured cloud looming obstinately upon nothing in particular........well.....it is a place where the buses ply but never seem to stop at the wildest wave of limbs.........where the people actually wait till the office bus stops to get on it.......where I have to swip a piece of card with I-don't -know-what bug inside to go to the loo......and have a P.C that never logs me in.....and have been visiting the office for a couple of days for nothing in particular other than playing carrom.......smoking.......loitering along the plush corridor for theatrically made up errands.........and a place where at 8.30 in the morning you get three camels roaming around the city for no apparent destination.........trust me my friends....this is something that you are not supposed to crib about....for men are generally thought as the stoic not so soft mishap of nature........and because they are usually considered to be 'paid' by the company.......so for that matter I checked my account balance quite with the fashionable luxury of the so called 'i-connect'........err.......it never fails to amaze me that everytime I do that I cannot escape exclaiming "where do the money goes!!!??".....ah yes......the cable guy called for the bill for the intenet this afternoon.......and I hate the midway of the week.......darn......sometimes I even wonder what is the point of having all these 'byte transfers' where I never actually come across any of my friend when I log on......or any decent conversation for that matter......but then I am generally expected to go through the loads of official jargon that my mailbox has to cope up with.......that actually takes an hour......and then my phone bill is delayed....and an electronic voice had assured me that my 'complaint' has been filed.........and there are ten different passwords for twenty different accounts that I have to remember always.....so the point is.....if ever there was.....the publishers of our mid-school G.K texts may as well rest in peace....for as it is........the camel is indeed the ship of the desert.......only the desert have changed.....and nothing else...

Well.......I am writing this post in yet another seedy Saturday night when fate has yet again intervened and deprived our civil right to 'chill out' after a week's rat-tat-ing the keyboard without much productive result.......no I am not complaining this time.........as many of youmight have read......a convict acquires a love for his detension as time goes on.......no I am not loving it.......but I guess I have reconciled to the fact that somehow life is not the same anymore.........so I sat down to study this Saturday as I have to give yet another exam to provenothing the coming Monday.........only to be 'on bench' which I am afraid is a not-so-endearing expression for being shamelessly jobless but still claiming a not-so-fat salary at the end of the month..............so I studied untill sometime.....well not too long after I was actually into thebleak fonts of the text that one my 'colleage'......yeah that sounded great indeed.....urged the beast inside me by venting his plan of having a 'kabab' for his dinner to me.........huh.....I guess when God had created man he had indeed made few switches to bypass the sanity and orderthat he accidentally bestowed upon his creation......girls.....cigerettes....and food.....so here I am.....the God's Mr.Hyde devouring with pre-historic orgy the fat wings of the unfortunatebird and all I could do after thirty minutes of sonorous munching and a number of belches and burps is to flop down upon the mattress with a cigerette and cola and moan about the non-congruency that always seem to haunt my life with satified diffidence......But then getting wasted is not all that bad.....

To all those people who enjoy the thrill of going out with their coquettish fair ones into some theatreshoping to see some desparados of distant lands.......let me play sad role of the stoic spoilt sport and be the preacher that you might as well spent the decent evening that somehow continues getting shorterin the frickely life of yours in a dinghy blues pub with nostalgic lights and monotonic sound......for theworld as it is.....is full of forgery........and you actually pay a day's salary to get conned out of your'wits' as you gloat with the foolish smirk that you have indeed won the heart of the one you think you 'court'.....a three hundred rupees bus ride to see things which you know are false.........in a stark sunny afternoon....."how'bout that?".......the highway you saw in the movie that steps into the rosy fantasy of yours is actuallya street which is no longer than that which leads you from your house to the landlord's.......the rain drenched streetsof London that makes you hate the seedy lane by your window....the pawn shop....the pan shop.......hell even the local grocery are no more than few cardboard structures strutted along together with the same stuff that you used in your tenth standard art project.....all staring with their deceptively genuine smile that so populates what is popularly called the 'film city'......but do not think that I am actually doing the jobof advertising it.....for conned as we were.......there was no complimentary lunch.......and if you do not have the sudden urge of exploring the wicked world of forgery....all you can get out this place is few hoursof a sleek bus ride.....with a lady 'guide' who is not even close of being pretty.......couple of almost obscenesequence by a local college dance group.....a humongous croud comprising aged crones of sixty as well as pimply youth of nine lumbering with apparent confusion around the stupid frolic of the 'merry-go-round' with 'jingle bells'being played in the background,a scary house that was funny and a lot of sun..........so all you could do was to mingle yourself in the populationof the conned and foolishly try to infer the whole sanity behind this act of paying to get duped.....

The Rat and the Cheese....

Well....call this an exhibition of sheer juvenile showmanship......but then I guess for a rat residing all his life in the dark alleys of dilapidated by-lanes having rows of garbage bins topped bypeels of the full fraternity of biological life,a decent crumb of fresh cheese is indeed a luxury.....so all the sections of the community who believe in quality and honest quality for that matter.....let theyrot in some place where the sun never shines.........for throughout my life which I believe has seen a lotof rather elongated sighs and diffident stares,quality usually comes at a price........infact quite high price.... so I had always selected the easier way.....ie the way which gives me the pleasure without actually indulging into the rather painful habit of dishing out wades of cash..........so when this evening I finally registerd my shuffle...with a rather eloquent surge of adrenaline, it suddenly occured to me that for the first time that there are infactsome harmonics that always manage to escape the fat ears of mine....and that I somehow gathered up the guts to be theprodigal son and attempted to harness some of them........

Retrospection of a Weekend.....

If some of you had this sudden enlightment of being more pro-active than it appears in your more distant dreams and had actually shown the extraordinary tenacity to go through my previous post you may actually get a picture of my idea ofa weekend.........so here was a day........sleep......infact a lot of sleep induced more out of compulsion and invasive grandeur upon the medula oblongata by a horrendously awful but flashy liquor that somehow bore the name of 'd-luxe whiskey'....infact for all my friends dedicating their meagre a life for the noble cause of saving drinking water thereby indulging into the more hazardously expensive sojourn of aquaintance with molasses and barley,have you ever come across anything that told you....as it had...."drink responsively"......and actually gave the four lined detailed chronologe of the 'nutritious value' associated with it??......well all I can do is appreciate yet again the rather old a saying of..."there is always a first time".........so we wake up the next day......all with the slosh and turbulence of a yatch in a whirpool and somehow came upon the consensus of visiting what is called the Golconda Fort.........a perfect way to pass a stark sunny afternoon in a dusty city!!.......so we went as usual in a vehicle called an 'Auto' that has seen its hey days even before my birth, following a path that reminded that the earth was indeed a collection of rocks pebbles and red shingles....so much for urbanization.......and we stood before the vast expanse of blazing sun unruly shrubs and old rocks......and stairs........however good the finesse of our bygone archietects might have been.....they certainly did not have the foresight to see that some hundred years later three chaps with lungs full of years of cheap cigerrete smoke would come to pay a visit......so deep raspy breaths and a sandpaper throat saw us lumbering with apparent confusion among the worn-out archways and porticos of the fort that certainly did not use to care about the comfort of its inhabitants......and it never fails to trigger a long train of thoughts about the insight of so called 'lovers' and their circumstantial affinity for the ruins......and so we trotted among crumbling black rocks.....dotted by black Romeos and even blacker Juliets...and it was just our luck that it started raining....and as usual a meagre attempt to seek refuge among the leaky sheltersdid little to keep us dry.....and so we were back......not more impressed than before we left couple of hours ago untill we finally settled down upon thee more engaging habit of a movie and a quiet smoke when there was the news of two bomb blasts in the centre of the city and a blaring T.V showed people going beserk in a mad rat-race to stayalive.......I mean it felt despiringly ludicrous that death can actually settle down upon you the next minute just after you buy an ice-cream and gather yourself for a decent show......you work hard to save extra cash to dish out a pleasant trip to the seas the next season and then you are hit by something that you never know......you rip open the wrapper that your sweetheart had presented on your twenty-fifth birthday and half of your face blows.....its indeed a miracle to stay alive..........So this was our weekend which was supposed to give us the life-blood for yet another grinding weekend ahead of us...and scores of phone-calls saw yet another soul reconcilling to the blinding flow of the city and dribble out the confusingly dear 'life' ..........

Well.......out of the few minuscle details I am able to catch up from things around me the only thing that incurres the notice of mine is people's views on the weekend.........if only you knew how a green and blue oasis appears to the eye of a distant traveller among the sparse of the desert, you would certainly entertain this rather punitive litany of mine..........so weekends.........why do they come only once in a week??why every day cannot be a lazy weekend when I finally wake up as I used to do when I was young....ie a few months ago.......a weekend.........I want the sun pouring down on me from the finite lacunae of the drapes.....and I want to turn around in disdain at the provocative audacity of the sun..........I don't want to fit in an ostentively savvy attrire that somehow yeilds the definition of a 'power formal' from the more established population of the society..........I don't want to have yet another 'light' lunch as a vain attempt of being awake just for the sake of it as slides after slides of technical details pass by me with gruelling sluggishness..............and I don't want soggy smelling socks at the end of the day sticking to my feet with tenacity more than a leech on a wound.........well indeed thats rather a long list of self-retrospection.......the sort that you cannot avoid after yet another week of tests and more tests and slides and silly juvenile jokes from the pretty girl couple of chairs from me and seemingly 'intelligent' questions from guys around me and a horrendously monstrous quantity of snippets of code.........and ofcourse my ordeals of keeping the eyelids apart............well..........lets not get too political but today I really felt that the weather in this nation is politically the same......as they come with the same ludicrity everywhere....be it in the idling monotone of Kolkata or the 'techy' expanse of Hyderabad...........and contrary to the religious beliefs of several intelligensia that always manage to be in the lime light for reasons beyond the grey matter of mine..........leave the same mark on the city and definitely on its people and on guys like me loosly dangling in the transition of two...........so how do you define a day when I had an exam which I cheated and passed.........a preparatory project that required a convincing act on commitment to avoid un-necessary prodding.......and few hours of senseless rain and a faded jeans in knee depth of murky water.........that reminded.....not with small sweet distant disdain of my home.......and so when its really there...the weekend I mean ........all I can think of is a long sleep without clamouring alarms or nightly sessions of absurd technical mugging...........

Okay....lets get over the oddity of being humble and content with whatever life seems
to provide me....a chiken grilled club decker sandwitch every alternative night worth forty five bucks just to avoid the labor of going out for dinner only minutes after I come 'home' from 'office' ......a clamouring cell phonealarm that always seem to get activated only minutes after I set it........the highways that never seem to run out of gaudy cars and plush vehicles on which I never seem to embark........and one 'identity' tag for an office I have only gone twice........and an 'under construction' building that houses seventeen of such souls as me for....what......training.........If only the parents new what goes in my mind whenever I see their kids scrambling across the dusty streets inapparent frolic that only pimply pre-pubescent chaps can have.........I wish I could pick up the jack hammer from the nearby site and crush their head like an egg.........okay maybe I will never do that....but then how can they be so much more carefree than I am when I am the one who is actually earning......its unfair almost to the point of spiritual partiality from the Boss above......!!!!!!Well maybe many of you will actuallybe puking over this demented philosophy of mine.......but then one blue swivel chair in an air-conditioned room havingan outrageously workaholic 'trainer' pronouncing 'm' as 'yem' and weeks of 'cuck-koo-clock' life on tonnes of junk food can actually overcome the sense of philanthropy that somehow proclaims to be luxury of the affluents..........no this is not even an excuse......just another explanation........so yet again I get down from an cluttered up 'Auto' and go inside the 'fast food ' joint and order a chiken grilled club decker sandwitch and take some chips...a bottle of soft drinks maybe and lots and lots of cigerettes(whatever happened to my oath of quitting it)and return wondering what grass is it that is actually greener on the other side.......

Hearts n Crosses....

Okay......lets say I am slowly mingling among the murky waters ......and whats more.......like any other follower of the wonderful trait...i.e. adaptability....that Darwin had so assiduously predicted such a long time ago...... wether that came more out of frustration of having forced to go with the tide just like me or just a wise man's whim I honestly cannot think.....as it is I am thinking of quitting the very habit of thinking......but yes....notwithstanding the rather unconventional tradition of the traffic departmentof this city to switch on the red as well as the green light......and the uncanny custom of the commuters to play NFS throughout the day.....we decided its time to enjoy the only enjoyble weekend that we had.......so there was the debit card being swiped with no less pang in the heart....there was this odour of deo emanating from six chaps desperate for a breather.....and there was booze....and more booze....and expensive booze........but then it never fails to amaze me that how people use to come up with seemingly comforting explanations everytime the conscience or whatever is left of it validates the ludicrity of being the prodigal son.........and so we went to the 'Bottles and Chimneys'........the rather flashy pub at the centre of the city....and we went to the Paradise....undoubtedly the best Biriyani joint in the whole country......and this was only Saturday..........

Well.....perhaps some of you have realized that the heart of a city lies not in its riches but in its ruins......so it was Sunday and a moist rainy morning saw us in front of the Charminar where the expanse of the city broke in a mad pandemonium of life....and I felt so alone among the multitude of humanity all geared up with their family paying a visit to this monument overlooking the streches of dinghy and not do dinghy hamlets of eatables...fake ornaments and scores of such stupid wares that somehow tantalizes the everflowing thoroughfare of the city..........but then if the heart of the city lies in its ruins.....the soul of Hyderabad definitly lies in its Kababs....and once again we were the cruel Neanderthals savouring the layers of meat with ecstacy matching only with the first orgasm..........but then thanks to the omnipresent sophistry of so called 'urbanization' we were once again back among the fashionable expanse of the Prasad's...the Hussain Sagar Lake....and the Central where droopy eyed businessmen plucked their beared plotting their next move to rip our pockets..........and teens from far-offland had gathered for an 'International Youth Meet'(as if life is short of things to do) and few chaps devouring the nubile bodies of pretty ladies but never actually managing to make the move except few meek attempts ofconversation like "how long have you been in India?" or "How are you liking this place?" or "How long does ittake to travel from your country to India?"..........So this was our first enjoyable weekend of our employed life........and now that only one day has passed....the world is already heavy on our shoulders and it seems that we had a rather good time indeed when we used to be young......

Well....have you ever experienced how does it feel to have a sinking sickening feeling down the pit of your stomach.....living with it with all the weight of the world upon your shoulders contemplating about turning into a T.V so that you can be shut down anytime so that you don't have the ability to think, surmise and reflect......It should have been the hey days of my life......days where you can actually work harder than the ants lining to a lump of sugar.....okay I am not being lazy....for I wake up at 6.30 in the morning.....I dress up in 'power formals' as they have told......I have my breakfast with all the hurry and hustle as shown in the movies.......I sit by the blue screen of the flatscreen PC in a gleaming plush room with flourescent lights glaring from the ceiling....one of them flickering with the same uncompromising regularity like a tormentor picking at the raw wound of the captive....the A.C kicking on and off with the same precision as it has been doing from time immemorial........I rush out to have a smoke at all possible intervals just to return on time......... I come back all drained and flop myself upon the bed and switch on the T.V........but then I look out of the window to see the same span of fashionably constructed apartments sanding by the speeding high way that reminds me I am 2 hours of airway away from home.......I called up Bhandari..... jackass as ever .......upto I dunno what tomfoolery and tricks to deceive and dictate........I can't be the jackass.......I have to be "pro-active".....I have to do "smart work".......I have to pass eight tests....I have three attempts to pass one........I called up
Sri........she was the senseless stupid girl as ever......I can't be stupid........I have to be 'tactful'.....I called up Prasenjit......the big black glutton gobbling up I dunno what like the pacman gone beserk......I can't be the glutton......I have to take care of all the expense and be economical........Sohil is as hyperactive as ever........uttering all the improbable possibilities of fleeing to home.....but I am not Sohil....I am sensible........and I am not half as eloquent as he is........and then I called mom.......and thousand miles of electronic signals and optical cables conveyed the voice with slight static and a lot of pang..........nothing has changed in them........but then everything seem to be different......have you seen how chunks of snow hangs from the cliffs of mountains........so much mass all at once trying to hurl down upon the earth with velocity unsurmised but still somehow unable to leave the clutches of the rocks........only conveying the desire by the cold fumes emerging from them but never actually commiting to fall...........I have to wake up at 6.30 in the morning again........I lie down on the soft bed but the sleep play hide-n-seek.....and I am the kid too proud to scream and yell as he fails to find his friend hiding in some corner...always giving a hint of his hideout but somehow managing to evade the searching eyes of mine...........and then I listen to Led Zep......and try to come upon the conclusion as why and how the lady came to believe and be that all that glitters is actually gold......but I don't want to think...........I am thinking of turning into a T.V............

But two are walking apart forever
And wave their hands for a mute farewell

This probably is my last post for quite sometime.........and I can hardly think what to write.......so mean is this thing called 'leaving all behind'.......okay I am not overly emotional as all the pro-Kolkatan intelligentsia that appear quite frequently in the newspapers when any new issue of renovating an old worn out building appears quite with a sudden brilliance in the minds of the keepers of this city or when a new chain of restaurant tries do business with the epicural fantasy of the citizens...........but what the hell....its been 22 years......which I presume is not a very short time......I leave this Sunday.....and it is a strange feeling........every other alley in my not so pretty neighbourhood speaks of some rather foolish desparado of mine at some point or the other.........the plot of land which supports a new apartment now speaks of the number of cricket matches that used to be the 'end-all and be-all' of the afternoons.....the closely spaced houses now black and bleak with ages that used to be our 'kite-flying' venues as soon as September arrive........the not so sober kids of the encroached strip of land as our rivals..............the school......the horrendous bus rides and the spine chilling competition associated with it....................the ever-so-ludicrous crushes and their fallouts......the way I used to be all beckoning with its wonderous lullably as if to imply specifically that I am leaving all these behind............and I don't have the right words to say..........well......I guess there are times when poetry can actually surpass the need of words.....so I can come up with these few lines which I had read long time back..........which somehow holds more meaning to me than the do's and dont's behind the flight ticket................

"Flow down, cold rivulet, to the sea,
Thy tribute wave deliver:
No more by thee my steps shall be,
For ever and for ever.

Flow, softly flow, by lawn and lea,
A rivulet then a river:
Nowhere by thee my steps shall be
For ever and for ever.

But here will sigh thine alder tree
And here thine aspen shiver;
And here by thee will hum the bee,
For ever and for ever.

A thousand suns will stream on thee,
A thousand moons will quiver;
But not by thee my steps shall be,
For ever and for ever."

....Tennyson

Evolving as a professional......

Right....its only eight days left for me before I start a new life......which I believe is a decent way to say that in a matter of eight days I would actually be employed... you know....people always talk about different
phases of life.......milestones....turning points....and I always used to listen to them without paying much heed to all those
high sounding monotones which somehow lacks the more lively harmonics of sound........okay I accept...back then it was
kinda boring and following my rather caustic sense of humour....had received quite a bit of silent slanders from me......yeah back then....its funny actually how I describe these events that had occured not more than three weeks ago as 'back then'....its even more ludicrous as how these few weeks seem to make me much older than I actually am.......and the transformation
has been in different stages.....first there was this odd sense of excitement about going to a new city and the unlimited amount of freedom of having a new apartment of your own where it is upto you to decide wether the drapes would be light green or dark chrome........where you can indulge in a lot of things that is somehow not so convenient right now.....then there was these outrageous rumors about all the million things under the sun and our frenzy of actually involving into it even if we knew there is hardly any shred of reality into it.......and we plunge ourselves among the confusing labyrinth of the internet to gather even more 'dirt' and meaningless possibilities out of them...and somehow all these internet hunts never seem to yeild anything other than a collection of ads about "find your love compatibility"....."matrimonials"...."find out who is waiting for you" or "hundreds of jobs for you".....I think you know what pops out every time you log out of your mail.....I remember searching for the actual status and position of the company I was going to join and I ended up in the webpage of a guy who is actually working there and following a link in that page I had somehow landed somewhere displaying the vital stats of a number of actresses working in a number of B-movies.......so I decided to give it a break and as usual chatted about this whole 'talk in the air' with an equally baffled and confused friend of mine......so the next stage is serious contemplation about the pros and cons of all the options available at hand and it never fails to surprise me how every time the options other than what I had selected seem to be carrying more 'sense' and 'wisdom'......and the situation worsens with each passing day untill more out of frustration of being rather helpless, we actually buy the tickets for flight...and ultimately reconcile to the beleif on the certain entity called the 'faith' and decide just to 'get on with it'...and refuge under the umbrella of the big name that the company has........that marks the fourth stage......okay...there were few uphill moments in this so called transformation like a number days of getting wasted in a friend's joint......few old school reunions.....and stuff like that untill one fine evening it actually dawned upon us it is infact the end of our days of tattered shorts having horrendous brands.....worn out jeans....round neck T-shirts and cheap cigerettes and we indulge in several days of window shopping and couple of days of actually bying few varieties of them....albeit much cheaper and that too wonderfully synchronized with the time of n percent discount on every purchase and baits like 'buy one and get one free'....thanks to all those considerate businessmen successfully plotting an economic imperialism under the banner of 'SALE' just by swapping the tag of lets say 'Rajababu shirts' with...err...'John Miller' or 'Turtle'.......basically just a western name..........then comes the difficult and the more painful stage when our wonderfully dreamy and excited parents actually transfer years of their savings into our own personal account to help us 'stand on our feet'....basically a carte-blanche or a free ticket for being the prodigal son......and when even that is over....its only eight days left.......and all you can do is to make promises like quitting the fag which you are sure not to comply with and just sit before the internet.....and go on refreshing the pages of orkut as pictures after picture of our 'friends' change with each hour and suddenly you decide to jot these wonderfully wasting and ofcourse tiring train of thoughts which even you are sure no body would care to acknowledge with even a rude dismissive comment....so its just you and your counting days.......

The thing about i-phone.....

Communication redefined................for 600 dollars!!!

Theres always some irony if you can't have it!!!

Corporate

Okay how about this...????

Being Aquatic....

Well now I feel what Tom Hanks felt in the Castaway......I mean its monsoon in Kolkata( as if you don't actually know) and its been two days since the city is having serious excretory disorder......and its rather difficult to surmise why havent we developed webbed feet by this time......I mean we are told that necessity is indeed the mother of creation....but I guess we all are somewhat hoaxed by what is much endearingly known as the 'drainage system'......yah right the drainage system.....thanks to beautiful nature of we Kolkatans to address things more humbly than they actually are....as a result we do have to put up with a lot of grin and a little scorn all the bemusing variety of things like the strike....the cricket match.....the not-so-encouraging muddy soccer matches.....and now the sad reminiscences of what used to be streets in sunnier and more predominant days of the year.......as it is, its now all water.....and we actually manage to derive sufficient amount of solace and......what...fraternity ??.....from the fact that we are not the only one....thanks to the equally efficient drainage system exhibited on the other side of the country in the commercial capital..........and if you have way too much free time to switch on the radio.....you know sometime you actually get bugged of the more fashionable service of visual media that the television promises to provide...just for sake of.....well romanticism....nostalgia....and err......a break.......you can actually come across an amazing collection of rhetoric from a number of more fortunate and poetic souls scattered across this 'cultural capital'(oh yes.....bazaars replaced by shopping malls....notes on banishing the tramways......cultural capital indeed) commenting upon the beauty of the rains and the imaginative train of thoughts triggered by it and what are they eating in this endearing month of monsoon.....as if life is short of things to do!!!!But if you think about the taxpaying duties that you performed few months ago that somehow became a part of this 'democracy' and decide to go out for an errand just a few blocks away...you may come up with a scene of domestic water transport which will make the nobles of Venice pluck their beard with envy......its definitely not gondolas here in Kolkata....but people have actually come up with more prudent and materialistic ideas that even the most mundane amenities of life can actually be used for water transport with surprising effectiveness.......automobile tires....dilapidated roofs of hamlets......and the more docile varieties of inflatable rubber canoes all wondering with confused frustration as rows of yellow cabs lined up with half their torso deep down in water.....pedestrians.....to be more specific fellow half-swimmers trudging the wall of water with slowmotion strokes.......slippers floating by.....the crows enjoying a nice cruise upon them....and elderly gentlemen commenting on what the leaders commented upon the 'state' of the city....as if all its residents are suffering from hyperopia.......and then you come up with someone more sympathetic to the 'sorkar'...ie the government and supposed to have a 'politically balanced mind' explaining how our bygone rulers of two hundred years had actually developed the system that Kolkata has to drain out only liquid waste and how the more imbecile citizens use them to dispose their solid wastes as well...and he throws a big packet of jackfruit peels and continues lamenting........well at last you come back to the dry safety of your home and sit by the window overlooking the 'jhupris' and the 'bastis' where the residents had long ago come up to their thatched roofs with most of their belongings and you turn on the radio yet again...this time its "n point n FM"...and you listen to the weather departments amazing prediction of the development of the depression resulting into this many milimeters of rainfall....and what the opposing party leader say about its entire 'infrastructure'.....and more 'civilized' citizens provide immaculate statistical detail of the 'development' of the city's condition over the years.....

Mad among the mountains.....

Well......following the rather lucid reminiscence that my friend has put on in his latest post (click here to see his post)....suddenly I feel this
urge to follow suite........well I just cant help these sudden fancies that dawn upon me with more ludicrity
than whim........and I end up commiting something which definitely cannot be quoted in "Jerry's Book of Conducts"...
Well I dont really remember what time of year it was.......but it was in the first year of our college.....if that is of any
relevance to our 'adventure' that we did.....but I definitely feel the same stupid thrill that flew down our spine when
me,Bhandari,Nandy and another unfortunate inclusion in our....err....I dont know....group(maybe).....decided to return
from Singtham back to our college by a rather unconventional 'path'......and that paying all tributes to the government of
Sikkim is an overly endearing term.....followed quite out of compulsion due to lack of vocabulary........so if you havent seen
these individuals.... you may define Nandy as a bounty from the boss above....both in length and breadth...and back
then in first year....HUGE!! The other members of this adventure are rather non-descriptive sort having all the spirits of the
world as only guys from the plains suddenly plunged hard among the hills may have...except this aboriginous trait of human
that decided to tag along with us......as usual the precursor of this mad desparado was Bhandari......deciding to break free
from the manacles of normalcy that somehow seem to bog him down and we decided that come what may, its time for
a little hiking...and so we watched with no little apprehension at the narrow winding dirt track by the hill lost in woods
flanked by the ever so turbulent Teesta....and when we actually stepped into the track,it was nothing more than a dusty
shingly trail made more out of necessity by the wood gatheres and their domesticated animals....and we had to dodge a
ridiculous collection of piled up bio-mass shamelessly left by thousand generation of four legged creatures.........so it was over an hour that we trudged along what was still an acceptable edition of a track untill we came upon this point when the way
before us bifercated and both seem to disappear among the stupifying collection of foliage....and we had to stop........
Well perhaps you have been in the middle of an absolute black out somewhere unknown in whichever city you live at the death of the night......if yes then you can only fathom the silence....and nothing else.........the honks of the cabs all died
down in the thin air and all you can hear is your breath...in this case the lullably of the flowing Teesta......and the odd chirpings
of the full fraternity of birds that somehow seem to loose their mind simultaneously at this senseless encroachment upon their
privacy.....well we had to have an excuse to loose ourselves in this madmaze of silence....so we lit up a fag and just sat there
in that deliberate state of comatose untill reason came back and urged us to reconcile to the tickings of the clock.......and the difficult part came......we had to decide which path to take....and Bhandari as usual took the 'wrong' way around if there is anything right about the entire scenario...thanks to his sense of direction....or rather lack of it.....more like a dog with sprinkled pepper on his nose......and we came upon a slide in the bosom of the hill.....we look up and its a wall of trees bent with ages....we look down and its the water of the Teesta churning with her omnipresent rage...we clawed at whatever holding we found......repurcated back by odd varieties of prickly shrubs....our limbs ached...there was earth within our thumbnails and snail slow we went on untill I slipped....much like the movies...and here I was dangling by a thin yet powerful trunk of a tree.....unable to move as wind hit back with a cold fury....bits and pieces of earth rolled back and the adrenaline pumped with insane urgency of survival.....I was afraid...I was thrilled.....I was mad......it was then I saw one of the most beautiful sight in my life.......miles away in the undulating slopes of a distant hill there was a collection of hamlets......bordered by wild varieties of violet flowers....and rows and rows of maize fields and even farther away.......there stood.....with all the monotony of the world a worn out hanging bridge....connecting the hills with the otherside of the world....and here we are
four absolutely freaked out souls staring mindlessly at the single gateway to the same sane civilization that ultimately after yet another hour of wiggling......crawling....dragging and swearing managed to reach.....and after all these years...I can still feel the scars that developed in my hands and the same rush of neurons that had gone through my body........

Let there be Light!!

Okay this morning when my Sony music player refused to talk for yet another time I got the rather commonplace enlightment that humans have indeed a keen behavioural simmilarity with flies........now lets not get into that Neo-Darwininan controversy as somehow I never managed to gather up sufficient appreciation for all those philosophical litany......as few years of biology at high school had done wonders to my study of life.................the point is the similarity lies in the fact that both humans as well as the flies have a
rather shameless affection for light.........in our case the light is in the form of brands..........and in both cases the realization often yields a deeply frustrated sigh or a cynical reflection about why everytime it always has to be you.....but trust me.......you are indeed not alone!!!
However we still crave for brand names........but the saddest reality of life is however bright the light may seem....the tunnel is always long........as a result we do have to put up with shameless 'brands' that we all see in most of the peoples' jeans........Donalad.....Donald......Flu........Scud......Klone(okay I have one).......even Poison......Thunder and scores of
such tailoring mishaps that somehow bear the not so prominent vestige of this cowboy attire that has jabbed into this country of heat ,sweat and dust......and rather extreeme waistline of its citizens........as there lies...as you may have noticed two categories of people.......one upto the age group of 30......having a rather thin waist line....and beyond 30....you never see what lies beneath....its an endless ocean of flabs...!!!!!Oh yes there always lies few exceptions!!!And the most bewildering part is how most us actually seem to hide these fashionable misfits with all the diligence we have.....lest we fall down from the status of prosperity!!!But still it is our nature and somewhat right to crave for the brands........we die to put somebody's name on our underwears..........think carefully and thats rather gayish......but what the hell thats the elite threshold of fashion.......because Tommy and Calvin told us so........and there are certain individuals who come up with pretty original
explanation as how he have actually degenerated to use those 'brands'.....Bapapi for example(okay folks that is meant for a certain someone....I am sure he will remember)........but then again in all probability I have incurred the wrath of quite a few
fashion fanatics with a goatee and a ponytail clad in a Hawaiian shirt and green trousers that somehow remindes me of some complex genetical accident.....as if you have seen this movie Kate and Leopold....there is a particularly impressive dialogue that just because a dog is colourblind and cannot possibly see a rainbow doesnt mean it does not exist.......so aversion towards the more popular brands will either fetch the title of being colourblind or a man without tastes........boring in a nutshell.......so all we can do is stop being the dog and actually put up a convincing show of appreciation as men clad in sarees walk down the ramp with the defaint clamour of a dying emperor...........so this morning when my Sony music player refused to co-operate all I could do is to flutter around the same light and refuse to give it to the local electrical repair store and electronics engineer that I am.......resort to the rather primitive but effective solution of few calculated slaps at various parts of the player and restarting it with the same cynical sigh and wish someday I will get the best model of Sony music player!!!

WHY ME!!!!!???

It is yet another dank monsoon in Kolkata......but the problem is...it is a bit wayward from the yearly voracity with which the city is overtaken by the clouds....then rain and eventually water for even more number of days than it has actually pelted...thanks to the drainage system of the city....or rather the lack of it........the thing is.......this morning I got the final confirmation that it is actually some kind of personal vendetta against me for some heresy long forgotten.......and the irony is ....assuming the heretic is actually me.....I dont understand why it is always ME!!!!!...indeed the convict here does not really know his felony......which again affirms that there is no such thing as justice.........its always the muscles that the law is inclined to.........but thats a different story.....and as always I wander to some totally irrelevent piece of rhetoric........
So the vendetta part......otherwise how would you explain it........it never rains when I go out with the umbrella.....okay I accept burdening myself with an umbrella has never been in my favourite list......c'mon its not 'cool'.....but then how come each time I somewhat conveniently forget to take it with me it always drizzle........and I think 'okay I guess I can manage it'......and then grows a bit stronger and I think "okay just a few yards and I am home"......and when the home is indeed few yards it really pours down with pre-historic fury and I think "shit!!" ......and when finally I end up at home totally soaked like an old cat at a tub it vanishes with the same intentional ludicrity with which it had arrived.....and the sun almost beams at me with its all so crooked grin.........thats darned unfair..........and here I am......sneezing my day out like a crone by the escritoire......again I had supressed the plight for two days with two paracetamols and one I-dont-know-what pill which after taking I found was expired by over one year just for an invitation to get sloshed at one of my friend's place..........it went quite well actually but this morning when I got down from the car of the guy I met there.....quite satisfied that it had actually saved me the pain of a ridiculous bus ride from Salt Lake to South Kolkata........it again started pelting.......hard and stark like zillion nails from a Kalashnikov........unable to sprint thanks to a worn-out slipper with it sole defying the laws of friction.......I knew I was going to be sick.........and that it was a personal 'thing' against me........................and more so when now I sit with a bloody steaming soup that some witch doctor had prescribed for me........my body so sore that even blinking hurts.........this wonderful neighbour of mine had sent her son.....a two times aspirant of standard seven... to me so that I can help him out with this math assignment comprising a cognitive concotion of Pythagoras Theorem and Euclidean Geometry!!!!

Okay This is something you dont want to happen with you!!!!!

Join the Beats....

Okay I came across this fine joint to tap your feet with the beats.....

click here

A Tale Of Two Lives......

Adieu...............

"I wanted a perfect ending, now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious amiguity".....Gilda Radner

Okay....have you ever seen the sky as it is in a dark dank night......lying on the highest point in the terrace........watching quite aimlessly nothin in particular.......the stars peep down between the fleeting concealment of the clouds and you never had felt better about being together in this maze of stupidity at the death of the night.............let us be quite impractical and senseless and succumb to those feeling of our heart which somehow seem to overwhelm us when it is the time to say goodbye..........few moats and fewer gnats fly by like orbs in the beacon of a distant light....and you wonder why can't this last forever.....and you supress some unknown pang in your throat and throw yourself away in the tide..............it is the end of a life within a life....and it is a reeky farewell indeed.........well lets not be too verbose and lets be a bit selfish.........for something is better left not shared........well as a matter of fact cannot be shared..............'coz they lie too deep down to pen down........well all I can say is the fun does not lie in uttering inexplicable philosophy at unearthly hour upon the terrace...........the fun doesnt lie in the unholy swearings of few sarcastic drunkards about anything under the sun........it lies in the fact that we were together through thick n thins for all four years......the satisfaction is derived from the fact that we have actually made it to the terrace....and had done it wonderfully well.... the fact that we were together in this ungodly hour watchin and then searching for that twinkling glimmer shimmering at us through millions of light years...its radiance promising to be with us at all those ill-oppurtune moments hurling us into a mythical discomfort as we derive senseless pleasure from it........."Somehow, the conversation meantioned your name. And someone asked if I knew you. Looking away I had a thought of all the times we had together, sharing laughter, tears, jokes and tons more...and then, without explanation you were gone. I looked to where they were waiting for an answer and then said softly, 'once I thought I did'...."

GOING BACK....

Well....I think some of you actually know what it feels like "going back".........

c'mon....we all 'go back'........umpteen years in a place you fail to surmise....and you go back to your home.....or the reverse...........high school kids acting like puppies after being refused by his 'lady love' going back to the same old girl for yet another refusal.......actually I know someone who had the courage to go upto 33 such refusals.....his name better left undisclosed but the point is....as I said we all 'go back'..........and I am going back to a very minuscle version of those four years that I so shamelessly enjoyed.....after all the cash was not mine........ Well I never realized I would be so pleased on the thought.....I mean I recall cursing the place for providing all the difficulties and attrocities of the world upon the very delicate shoulders of mine........people change and so do I......now that tomorrow I am returning to my college.....I am actually looking forward for all those lazy crazy hazy daysthat so meticulously embrace our life in the hostel.........okay I accept its rather juvenile but can't help it.......!!!