hiccup blues

Men are so great in breaking promises....its almost as if they derive a
perverse pleasure out of breaking what they have vowed......not only
to others but more often.....to themselves.....and boy, dont we all feel great
about it.......!!
I had promised I wont do something....the other evening I did it......I know I
wont take it as a habit........but it was fucking awesome......okay....I think I
am allowed to use the 'F' word in this post.......it was fan-fuckin-tastic!!!

Not that I intend to keep this post forever......I might delete it after a couple of days......for....you know...there is hardly a thing called "a guy's privacy"

It all started with a whiff.....as in movies and in several boyish desparados
that I had closely observed in my hostel.....but never really indulged into it....

Wether is was the exhaustion of a Saturday evening that had me......or the juvenille expectation
of opening the Pandora's Box.......I am not sure.....but I had never felt the lassitude
that covered me that evening.... the kind of lassitude you feel when all your work has been
completed......and you lie satisfied in bed and its raining outside.....and you can see the thunder
crackling into a magnanimous rainbow as it flashed through the colourful window panes......
the word 'relaxed' was never so clear in my mind......oh my mind.....people say in state of intoxication......
you loose control of your mind.......it was never more incorrect.....yes I remember I was actually pulling
my vision from one person to the other sitting beside me........and everything in the background hazed down in a grey
confusion......and only the object of my interest was outlined with a tinge of red........how convenient it would have been in
life if we could shove aside things we dislike and put our intent on things we like......well....it was not as if I was the complete
vegetable....as I remember attending yet another phonecall from the office,and I don't think I messed it up either.....
there were people around me laughing......I definitely remember the laughter.......and my ability to voluntarily ignore
them as I concentrated more upon the ramblings of the person next to me......yes I had the ability to filter my thoughts.....

and the music began to play.....................

I guess you need some accessories to be in a trance.......and music is definitely one of them.......each time the string
of a guitar was struck I could feel the vibrations running through my spine and registering into a burst of neurons sending
a wave of defaince.........reason......and ultimately elation to my brain......and I was pressed deep in the bed by the reverbating
bass which was almost tangible........it all happened.....and it was physical......and I can say I thought of some of the best lines
that evening.........I dont remember any of them.......but I know I did.......

I still recall the snippets of conversation that went that evening.........somebody was talking about the chemical structure of
something..............the sodium / potassium balance in human body.....political situation of the world
......vulgar old school stories......and the music.......
but I dont remember their sequence......as I never said a word........and I never wanted to register any of the monotone.......I was
mentally more powerful than my friends.......

One strange thing happened to me was when I suddenly felt my right leg was on fire......I did not know what happened but it felt
like I had stepped on a floor of red hot charcoal and somehow could not find a clear place to stand.....but I have this strange
ability not to complain about most of the things in life.....so I did not whine about it either.....it was only myself beside me......
and I had never felt so alone in my life.......and isolation had never made me this happy......and there was music

There is so much I want to say about the evening.....but the best and the most frustrating part is that I really don't remember
what to say.......I definitely did not passout that night.......and I know I had moments of brilliant thoughts that night......
but what the hell........all I can manage is a blank gaping voide whenever I try penning them down............
I know there are so many colours in the pallette.......I know I can make a beautiful potrait........te canvas is right in front of
me........but somehow I am confused what colour to use........trust me ....it is a wonderful feeling....I am almost looking
over my shoulder to catch a glimpse of it.......but is has managed to elude me for two days!!

I am still not sure why I actually indulged into it that evening.......but I am not really sorry or ashamed of it......I guess the evils
are the most prudent logicians........I am still in the process of salvaging bits n pieces of my memories from the other night....

But it was fuckin awesome!!!!!