Nah...life aint much fun living alone....and you were right mama......its a rather cruel world.....and people do make sure we work our guts out to 'earn' every penny that somehow always seem to like everybody other than me......well....its been three days I have had a proper wholesome lunch....no I am not broke....although I am dangerously close to it......its just that I have been sleeping throughout the day out of a terrible exhaustion........Friday night is always the worst night to work.....you leave your house for office as the flatmates whom you see only for couple of hours a day return and again get dressed in their fancy attires for a fancier hangout.......you count the number of pits and ditches the cab bounces off as it reaches inevitably close to the office with a certainty that is almost despicable.....last night I counted....and it was actually one more than the previous night.....you try to figure out the strangely sonorous lingo of people around you and ultimately give it up in a despairing shrugh with a strange pang to speak in Bangla........whatever happened to the 'adda' of the 'progressive' Bengalis!.....and trust me......cigarettes and cola can do wonders to your apetite........albeit in the way you dontreally appreciate.......my workstation has always been the apostle of uneasiness packed diligently in white spartan ply and 'utility' addons........few sheafs of papers here....couple of printouts there.....and a confusing array of styrofoam cups painted either in blue or in brown ( apparently colour coded for coldand hot drinks respectively!!Atleast thats the only reason I can think of this ridiculous meticulousness )Truth is .....I still glance over my shoulder when somebody in blue coveralls calls me "sir...."And trust me at the end of the week, CAT classes are really not cool.......especially when I am staring at six paragraphs of monologue about some piece of rock that is supposedly 3.83 Billion years old and has a tag bit more Carbon -12 than usual........the black stuff they call the remnants of life from ages when I was not born........and others think as the souvenir of the lost dignity of a volcano when it hit the water!!!!............

Does MY manager ever blinks an eye on details like these!!??...........

Call it my disability but I really cant think of instances when the stocks have skyrocketted just because a rock had a bit more graphite in it....

But then after some point you really dont have to think much about whats going on all around you.......you just have to step where everybody is going and you somehow manage to walk all the way........and thehonks and the screeches of the automobiles.......the dust flowing out of the streets.....and the people around you does not matter......thats the best part about being saturated......I guess these are the times when Sherlock used to indulge in his bouts of cocaine.....or chemical experiments.......and sometimes violin....... but for me.....its just an empty house and a mattress........and a blaring T.V and a half lit cigarette....................

I got this official confirmation that every person in our vicinity is essentially the same........well and that birds of the same feather indeed flock together.......so people live throughout his share of life and die unobtrusively much like a bubble in a pond with the same predictability which infact has a number of names......and 'system' is one such name........last week I got a call at night when I was as usual sitting by a glaring computer trying to make out a pattern of sanity from the high sounding technical scribbles from a very friend of mine.........and I came to know he was sitting alone in a pub trying to decipher some shape out of the staggering loneliness hovering around him like dun coloured clouds in a murky day.........and more meaningless monotones for 'ol' time's sake'........so I did the only thing that appeared to provide a solace....or rather a refuge from the onslaught of emotions......I cut the line.........so whether it is among the dark shadows of the pub providing magical solutions to the brain or with the 'cancel' button of the phone.......we all run away from something we are not really sure of......and later some of us happen to write few ingorrigible lines about the same.........

soledade

Walks alone does he,
Perhaps he's alot like me,
Blinded by confusion and frustration.
For it never sees the light before night sets.
It carries on with eyes wide shut,
In a mindless rut.
Feeling rotten to the core,
Waiting for the day, when it's pain is no more.....

-Lady Wolenczak-

I am back again..........dont know whether it matters much.....but it is so good to talk to myself again........we moved on to a new house......well a collection of three french tin can that is so popoularly known as the 'flat'......and yet again something that is so conveniently represented by a number.........I am okay with that.....atleast I certainly hope so.........and moving in is not quite as fun as taking a walk in the park in a cloudy evening.......but thats the least that happened during these listless days........I am not really an avid expressor of emotion......I guess I am much too gooey for that......but I never felt a greater urge to have someone in flesh and blood to talk to.......for there is nothing more lonely than to wake up in an empty house.......yes you guessed right.....I work in night shift.......its not that I love my work.....I don't hate it either........I am just waiting for a miracle that would make me happy and rich........and that would keep all our friends together........well I was not so sad at my college farewell.....infact I often think that we ourselves dont really know the extent to which we commit ourselves to the so called cliche of a relation called 'friendship'......and trust me....the ignorance really hurts when it is time to say goodbye.....Sohil just moved on to Mumbai.......I guess four and a half years is a pretty good time.......and a guy is allowed to take the other one for granted........and it is okay for him to expect to see his soddy urse grasping the bits n pieces of his riches in the dusty corner of the room we have been sharing for so long..........well I might be wrong.......infact I probably am.......for there is certainly more space in the room now that he is gone.......and obviously the room is much cleaner and there is an extra mattress to lie down.........but then I get this strange confusion as what to do with all these space!!!!........so when at the end of the day there is one extra plate at our dinner but no food upon it....there is this strange feeling at the pit of my stomach that drives me a step closer to the edge.......I guess I am starting to get qualified as a wreck........even the fags don't taste as good as it used to be........why can't pepole be like islands?.........sometimes I feel that humans are the most frail and vulnerable creation of God.....infact it is actually a blunder he made and I guess he was just to arrogant to accept it and make it right......

2008

New Year Resolution....

On my city...

It is indeed a wonderful wholesome sentiment that triggers down my spines that somehow originates from the rubbles that populates the streets of Kolkata....Its winter in the city and perhaps you know the inherent addiction of we Kolkatans to potray the change of season with......well a greater enthusiasm than usual.......so watery eyed daddys with a stuffed red jacket and thick 'monkey' caps and woolen gloves did not appear a least bit of exaggeration in these seasoned eyes of mine.....foroutre it may seem.....but ludicrity has its own fascination.......and I am infact a part of it..........I guess six months of outsideKolkata has showed me a lot of life.........and it had deprived me of a lot more......there has been lot of activities in an aroundmy neighbourhood.......couple of more apartments have started to bear inmates overlooking the meagre strip of grass that used to be the playground that served, other than as the playground......as the parking space for a lot of yellow cabs.......datingshelters of romatic souls......and doping ground for a number of addicts........well other than that the young people have grown old....and the old ones have grown older.....and the older ones are dead as their relatives gather in a jovial reunion upon the demiseof their beloved ol' man....with their pimply sons playing cricket on the rooftop and petite daughters seeking some privacy tochat over the cell phone......its time indeed to push forward and a part of this change is substantially fascinating.......but thebasic foundation of this city of humrum never bothers to proceed into a greater dimension.........the roll shops may upgradeinto better cushioned seats from their greasy thicket chairs......but they still sell the same absolutely unhealthy egg-chicken rollsthat haunts the multitude of humanity like a seedy pub beckons an Irish old man.....the world may step into a topsy-turvy ofthird millenium-digitized brilliance but the high school passouts will continue being brave ( or atleast make a show of it....mostlyromatically ) in the shadowy havens of Nandan or more recently established Elliot Park and the unfortunate ones still gape at their exhibits with the oft-quoted obscenities and sometimes....well with pure loathing at their self-infirmities.......well....likewisethe somber looking private buses still seek a paternal relationship with the streets of the city and the convenience of its passengers....Park Street is still the same strech of asphalt haunting the apparent riches of the city with its luring expensive nothingness wherepeople go for no apparent reasons..................well the thing I hate most about holidays is that they have to end.....and it never fails to amaze me how fast do they end.....and I hate the farewells........but then I guess it is in those farewells that we have the promise to come back once again.....so when the plane taxied off the runway and plunged into the vast sky, all I could do is to stare out of the window and try intaking as much of the city as I could as it slowly mingled into the same tiny unobtrusivestructures that had....a week ago grown bigger and embraced me like it always had over the years....

Home coming was always refreshing.......!!!

Awww.......I am so bloody tired.......head spinning......gastronomical tsunami......and an anatomicalwreck.......its supposed to be winter and its not cold.......I guess its the Greenhouse.....the daft prick........even the cigarretes taste awful.......I am not really in the mood to rant about things under the sun.....yeah I am just...............tired.........